The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
