I like to think it a success when the cops are called
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
