My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We talked him into tasing himself.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
