i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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