I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
