I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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