oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
it's like heaven, but drunker
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
