i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
