She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
