If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
time to smoke my breakfast
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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