Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Pants are for mortals
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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