drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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