That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
