At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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