omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
