butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
