I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
