thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
