He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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