I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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