If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
