oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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