i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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