we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
