Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
