I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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