dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
