i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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