sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
