you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
