but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
