a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
