I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
