I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
