1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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