You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Randomize
