we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
