The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
