DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
