I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
