"it" just moved
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
