Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
