just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
