How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
