Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
