Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
