that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
