im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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