MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
