Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
