Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
