I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
