Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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