pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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