is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
