I accidentally had phone sex last night
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Michael Bay diarrhea
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
